greetings, random thoughts.
I’ve formed the conclusion that the only consequences of having too much time at home with no school work to do are the following: number one, you get lazy and fail to accomplish the little (but big amounts of) things you need to do, and number two, you think too much.
The later is more like the consequence I personally face. Because, being me, I can’t be idle for too long without feeling guilty. But, thinking?! I mean, you can do that while you’re going through your stuff, while you’re absently surfing the net, while you’re sewing or doing art projects, while you’re cleaning the house, while you’re at work watching children do their tuition compositions… (and yes, I did all that.) Anyway, here goes to my random accumulated thoughts.
While substituting for a tuition teacher, I was contemplating on how people can so easily indirectly influence you by subtle ways. It’s scary to see how transparent someone’s values are, and how easily s/he can push them upon others. It’s amazing how much you can read about one’s character by just the way s/he carries herself/himself, or the way s/he talks, behaves, and interacts.
While heading home, I realized how easily one compromises his/her values just to “keep the peace”. Someone swears, and you let it pass even if it’s completely against your values to swear. Someone shares his/her belief and you pleasantly ignore it instead of speaking up and telling him/her you believe contrary. They say ignorance is bliss, but it’s more like the best way to easily escape doing the right thing. And many times, we resort to it.
While watching a soccer game, my brain randomly wandered to the difference between dreams and plans. Often we make dreams our plans, which is ridiculous. Because while it’s okay to dream, planning is up to the Lord. In reference to this point, I’ll refer back to an earlier post, which can be read here.
While slowing narrowing down my list of things to do, it dawned on me how very fast time is passing. Before the blink of an eye, I’ll be packing, leaving for Maine, spending some quality time with all my childhood friends, and then orientation down in Boone, North Carolina before the first day of class. :) Today marks precisely 44 days before I leave. A simple reminder to treasure every second I have left with my beloved family and friends on this side of the world.
While composing this blog post, my mind is swarming with a mixture of jumbled thoughts, questions, and observations. Maybe I should be rediscovering who I truly am, define that strong set of values I believe I possess, and once again find my identity in God’s sight. And maybe, after all, thinking isn’t much of a consequence.
resolutions vs reality
I have to say, graduating from high school is one of the greatest things one could ever accomplish. I mean, summer break? The best thing ever. Those two to three months you have of freedom. The amount of free time you have: bunches. The anticipation for college: indescribable.
Anyhow, I’ve been spending the last few weeks keeping myself busy with little odd jobs and small forms of entertainment. Okay, scratch the ‘small’. So I’ve composed a list which I’ve entitled “Things One Should Do During Summer Break“. Here’s to my productivity:
#o1. Work out everyday. In my case, go swimming or jogging every morning.
#o2. Clear through accumulated junk. Through away half of it, give away a fourth of it, and keep the other fourth.
#o3. Spend good quality time with friends, creating memories, staying away from trouble, and refrain from spending money.
#o4. Eat healthy and say ‘no’ to junk food.
#o5. Touch up on your soccer skills at least once a week.
#o6. Refrain from distractions such as too many videos, movies, and soccer games.
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And now, I shall introduce you to another list entitled “Things One Should Never Do During Summer Break” except that I actually did every point. :P
#o1. After one week of hardcore working out, you become lazy and make excuses such as “I need rest, I got hurt.” (which fyi, is true to some extend). And getting a jab at the doctor’s making your left arm extremely sore is a very good excuse why you can’t go exercise.
#o2. When going through your stuff, you get attached to your accumulated junk which you obviously don’t see as “junk”. You come up with very convincing reasons why you shouldn’t throw this or that away. In the end, you’re wishing that you could bring 300 pounds of that junk with you to college.
#o3. Instead of spending quality time with your friends, you get all chummy with a horse, failing to keep your resolution of ”staying out of trouble.” Sure, you create some sort of memory, and money isn’t involved.
#o4. Your grandmother gives you six cans of 100 Plus plus three bottles of Kick-a-poo. I mean, hey, someone has to drink it. And then, to top it off, you tell your sister to buy you all sorts of candy, so waiting in Maine for me is four grocery bags filled with junk food.
#o5. You go out to a patch of grass outside of your house to play a little ball with your daddy, who smartly kicks a long ball into the woody/foresty shrub by the side. You spend 30 minutes looking for the ball without success. Oh yea, lots of improvement on my skills.
#o6. You’ve watch about every single movie you have twice and still want to watch them the third time. You also watch about three soccer videos everyday. You stay up till 2am watching the England game which was a total disaster because I mean, seriously England tied with Switzerland?! You get totally bummed when the US are defeated flat by Spain with a 0-4 scoreboard. You plan to watch the USWNT play Mexico, and obviously are following the Gold Cup.
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Okay so, I’m working on it. I really am.
always a bright side
In the last few weeks I’ve gone through experiences and been in situations that are definitely the type you could classify as once-in-a-lifetime. They were trying, painful, and unique. But as I look back at what has happened, I realized that there is always something to be grateful for in every circumstance. Hey, it could be worse.
My Little Ronaldo
There’s those certain times when you just need to be alone for no particular reason. Well, I was having one of those moments, so I changed into shorts and a tee, plugged in my earphones, laced up my shoes, and went for a jog. I tried to clear my thoughts, to make some sense out of the jumbled mind I was currently having. Hoping that the fresh air and exercise could remove all my question and frustration.
No such luck. I finished my five rounds in record time, all the while observing the people around me. I watched parents taking their children out to play and realized that the older you grow up, the less it’s about you. I realized that right now, I was in my prime stage of life when I want literally everything to center around me. I wasn’t like a selfless parent, giving up her precious time for her children out of love. No, instead I was struggling with sharing the spotlight, because there was no love intertwined.
I headed to the park still trying to find answers. Stood at the top of the slide for a while, taking in the fresh air, listening to music, thinking. I observed a couple swinging, absorbed in each other. I watched a young dad come back from work and welcome his children with a big bear hug. I smiled to myself as a few little boys marked out goals with shoes and played a little game of soccer on the sidewalk.
And then, I met my little Ronaldo. I had moved to the swings and was swinging back and forth ever so slightly when Ronaldo ran up and sat on the swing beside me. He was barely 3 feet tall, clad in a Manchester United full jersey, with the Number 7 and Ronaldo etched on his back. He struggled to sit on the swing and finally, with a decisive push, plopped down into the seat. He turned to me, gave a shy little smile, and then started imitating me, swinging himself back and forth. I smiled at him, and we swung together in companionable silence. We swung together for about 5 minutes before he hopped of his seat and ran to join his brother.
I sat for a while longer, observing the little children playing together, even if they had met just two seconds ago. I watched as my little Ronaldo nearly fell, burst into tears, ran to his mommy, and then five minutes later was good as new, running around and playing. I watched as a mother pushed her son on the swing, a big smile and laughter written all over the little boy’s face. I watched the innocent joy of a little boy when he found a toy car under the slide and ran to present it to his grandfather like it was the greatest treasure in the world.
And suddenly it dawned on me that maybe my little Ronaldo had taught me the greatest lesson of the day. That in those five short minutes, he’d shown me how to be innocent like a child, to enjoy every moment like there’s no tomorrow. He showed me how to forgive and forget when you’ve had a rough day, been wounded, or nearly fallen. But lastly, sometimes it only takes a little time to make someone’s day. No words said, no elaborate actions. Just, being there… being you.
So I want to thank you, little boy in your oversized red number 7 jersey, for giving me those precious moments today, and for making my day. :)
Faith
“Faith isn’t grounded on emotions. It’s grounded on the will. It’s grounded in the act of taking up your cross and following to Lord wherever He leads, through good times and bad, through dark days and happy ones. We’re not tested and tempered in good times. Our true test lies in the dark night of our despair.”
said Ella in Daughter of Joy by Kathleen Morgan
Closing the Chapter
Bittersweet. They call fifteen bittersweet before you turn sweet sixteen. Why – I’m not sure. Fifteen wasn’t bittersweet. Instead, what I’m feeling now, at the age of 16 (stop counting my years when I haven’t reached them) is truly bittersweet. Maybe it should be reversed: sweet 15s and bittersweet 16s.
Freedom? Not really, actually. Finishing high school doesn’t leave you with miles of what is known as freedom. Instead, you get thrown into the world of college: away from home, staying on your own, balancing school and work, saving every penny, worrying about what’s next. No, definitely not freedom.
Confidence? Yes. Maybe not freedom, but definitely that sense of accomplishment. Like, “YES! I actually did it!” and “I’m going to college!” And that feeling, however small, that you’ll make it through the next chapter of your life.
And finally, memories. The funny, the happy, the lessons learned, the tears shed. Definitely the people you met. Hopefully the impact you made. I could go on and on, but basically it’s summed up in this: I love you all so very much, and thank you for all the precious memories you’ve given me.
Time to flip the page, however much I want to linger on the last paragraph, and close the chapter.
